I Can't Believe I Am 30!!! Reflections and the Future...

There’s always some sadness as I feel that time is slipping away. Never again in this lifetime will I be a young girl in my teens or twenties. Those days are behind me now - for good. It’s a reminder that this beautiful life is not forever… being with that thought both hurts and relieves me at the same time.

However, it is with incredible enthusiasm that I step forward. Each day I become more me. Now I stand on a greater foundation, with outstanding vision, faith, and a solid relationship with my self.

It seems every birthday brings some kind of weird mood. It's something nearly all of us go through, I think.

On my 26^th birthday I decided I was no longer a helpless princess. On that day I first faced the feelings of getting older. “What more is there to look forward to?” I questioned my self. “No more exciting birthdays in the future?” At that moment, I decided to change into a Queen. It was a mindset shift into greater power within myself. Ever since that choice I have taken more responsibility for myself, taken my happiness into my own hands, taken life head on, and have been more enthusiastic about inevitable aging. I now see all stages of growth as beautiful. I look forward to the thirties as the era of my youthful prime. I also look forward to the years beyond as I will embrace my earned wisdom and become a Grandmother of the Earth.

This year I felt the need to celebrate. I am the type who does not make a big deal out of my life events. When I found out I was pregnant, I was immediately terrified of having to have a baby shower. For my 30th birthday, I wanted to be different than I have in the past. I took a trip to Las Vegas with my immediate family and had the BEST TIME EVER! :) This big milestone had me reviewing my life deeply with a new perspective. I am so thankful to say that I made it through my own trials and am officially pleased. I can be very difficult at times :). Part of the bliss of my aging is that I have learned to work with my own characteristics.

There were many great lessons of my twenties. I learned about my own values, explored various extremes to find my own balance, became a mother, and actually birthed new life into this world. In my early twenties I became a “step-mother” to a loving, beautiful young girl (age 9 at the time, now 16). After having my son and going through the wonderful process of creating life, I learned about the feelings of being a mother, from the inside. Parenting gave me insight into greater levels of life and I began to find out how to make mine ideal – for me – and for these beautiful beings I have the opportunity to affect so much.

I became much more aware of myself. I got curious about things, explored, and questioned a lot. My levels of consciousness have expanded exponentially allowing me a great delight in the “small” things of life, seeing how truly miraculous they are.

My understanding of the Divinity of life, deeply developing my own personal relationship with God/the Creator/Source, knowing my Faith, and actually feeling Trust all grew in this wonderous decade. These gifts are my greatest blessings.

The largest lesson of my twenties consisted of building a truly loving relationship with myself. I am no longer critical and hard on myself. I am my biggest supporter and am very compassionate to my experiences and “failures”, seeing them as the little steps that help me take the larger ones. I no longer seek outside love to fulfill my days or make me feel happier. I fill my own well and share it with others. Only now do I truly love others – not out of neediness or want, but from simple pure love. Whew, these lessons have freed me up from my own feelings of victim-hood and have helped to create the solid foundation that I own with gratitude today. My daily life is a joyous journey.

I am better and better as life goes on. Now I get out there and really dance with the bittersweet, magnificent song of life. And while I always wish for more, faster, and greater success, as I continuously mature, I recognize the beauty in the process. Looking back I can see amazing growth - and with that awareness, I happily accept the pace that life brings. I enjoy the being of all of it rather than waiting for the goals to be completed until feeling happy.

I enter my thirties being very excited for the future. I feel that I’m at my prime. I have a greater sense of my self, excellent resources combined with expansive resourcefulness, and the experience to empower me in all that I dream of. I look forward to giving back more and co-creating the world to make it even better. My dreams are bigger, more meaningful for me, and feel more real than ever before. Now watch as I reach for them!!!

Good-bye beautiful queen. Hello beautiful empress. Here we go! :)

I give thanks I've made it here and can’t wait to see what happens this decade.

by Danielle Crume © 2009